I mentioned in my last post that I was obsessed with "Nesting". I have been obsessed with it, my house is sparkly, not a dust mote can be found, the floors are spotless, magazines, books, Cd's and DVDs are in order. And yet, there is something amiss. Several months ago I ended a relationship, started looking to purchase a home and move. I found an older "fixer" with hidden potential, just the right size (until I saw the boxes I'd packed), purchased it and moved. Which in and of its self was a project, two blue crown conures and a mini schnauzer have almost as much "stuff", and personal needs as I do. I spent the last sunny warm days of September painting the outside of the house, cleaning up the shrubs and looking at the possibilities for gardening and landscaping next spring and summer. Then I moved inside and did the most important room for me, my office/studio. The rest of the house was unpacked and I began "living" in my new house.
This afternoon, after I'd spent the morning on work from the office, I was basking in the stillness, content with all that I had accomplished. I got up and wandered from room to room, poking my head into cupboards and closets, looking for something. Home. I was looking for home. Not the house or person I left, but my home. It dawned on me that this is the first time in a long time that I am able to create a home entirely of my own. I was widowed 20 years ago, and I raised our daughter on my own. The banter of children and friends filled the hours, days and our home. It was not always the neatest, sparkly-est place but it was always "warm". A nest.
My obsession with nesting lately I've discovered for me, is not about how orderly my house is but about the quality and graciousness of "home". This brought up for me what is "Nesting", and what constitutes "Home". I spent several hours delving into the internet trying to define nesting and the psychology of nesting. No I'm NOT pregnant, which is about all one can find on the internet regarding the nesting instinct. There are also several articles regarding "empty nesting", not exactly on track either. That is a sort of " been there done that", my daughter was away at college for several years, graduated and is now happily married to a wonderful man. She is an intelligent, fulfilled individual that I'm quite proud of. My life is full with friends, when I make the time (they all understand my crunch at the new year), so it is not the need to interact and socialize. It is the need to "Nest" or create a home.
I'm amazed at all the possibilities that lay ahead of me in creating my new home, my nest. But I'm also intrigued with this instinct to nest. Have any of you had this feeling of needing to nest? What makes you feel like you're at home? What is the difference between a house and a home for you?
This afternoon, after I'd spent the morning on work from the office, I was basking in the stillness, content with all that I had accomplished. I got up and wandered from room to room, poking my head into cupboards and closets, looking for something. Home. I was looking for home. Not the house or person I left, but my home. It dawned on me that this is the first time in a long time that I am able to create a home entirely of my own. I was widowed 20 years ago, and I raised our daughter on my own. The banter of children and friends filled the hours, days and our home. It was not always the neatest, sparkly-est place but it was always "warm". A nest.
My obsession with nesting lately I've discovered for me, is not about how orderly my house is but about the quality and graciousness of "home". This brought up for me what is "Nesting", and what constitutes "Home". I spent several hours delving into the internet trying to define nesting and the psychology of nesting. No I'm NOT pregnant, which is about all one can find on the internet regarding the nesting instinct. There are also several articles regarding "empty nesting", not exactly on track either. That is a sort of " been there done that", my daughter was away at college for several years, graduated and is now happily married to a wonderful man. She is an intelligent, fulfilled individual that I'm quite proud of. My life is full with friends, when I make the time (they all understand my crunch at the new year), so it is not the need to interact and socialize. It is the need to "Nest" or create a home.
I'm amazed at all the possibilities that lay ahead of me in creating my new home, my nest. But I'm also intrigued with this instinct to nest. Have any of you had this feeling of needing to nest? What makes you feel like you're at home? What is the difference between a house and a home for you?
7 comments:
I like that you're looking at this home as making it your own. I have a relative who had to move down .. slightly in her living quarters due to divorce. The split happened 8 years ago but the move about 18 months ago, so it wasn't the marriage she mourned any longer. There doesn't seem to be a minute of her day when she isn't lamenting the loss of her old home, the neighbourhood, the pool, the proximity to work.. etc. She has never looked at her new place as being entirely (or almost - her adult daughter lives in the basement) her own. And I wish she would. Her nest would be a lot comfier if she did. It seems you have the right idea.. Looking forward is much more productive than looking back.
Omigosh, this post could have been written by me. Amazing. A home takes a while to make a home. I like to create surroundings that feel like my "nest". I find cooking special meals for myself, listening to music, watching movies or reading (my favorite pastime), or painting.
Sometimes we can create our nest by enjoying our solitude there. Our home starts to feel like a comfortable glove. I love to spend time alone in my home.
It's odd, I was thinking about this very same thing today.
Hilary, I have a sister very much like that, she is divorced and while she has moved on from the marriage, she misses her life style, her home and pool. I've tried talking to her about how much happier she is now without the relationship, and the things she misses are only things.
I hope your relative does look forward someday soon for her sake. It is so much more rewarding to plan for a future than stall in the past. Keep good thoughts for her :)
Jo,
Risley read your comment and said that she thinks we are very much alike. Probably why we both were thinking of nesting this weekend.
I've been doing just that today, spending time alone in my home and loving it. I've had classical music on all day as I prepared chicken soup and chibata bread for this evenings meal. I love cooking and generally prepare something on Saturday that can be turned into soup on Sunday for meals during the week.
I truly am looking forward to finding the special pieces for my home, the finding is a much fun as living with them.
I got a chair, sofa and monkey holding a palm tree candle holder, those things were exhausting to accumulate, it was hard to match my furniture to that monkey candle holder. People think decorating is so easy.
And I know that everyone reading that, thinks your kidding. I will have to find monkey toss pillows for your sofa and chair to keep the other monkey company while you are at work. ;)
I've never lived by myself. Never had the opportunity to make my own home. I went from growing up with you to living with Derek and his family. My home has always involved others, which may be why I have a hard time spending nights by myself. At the same time, I've had friends through out my life where their house was like a second home for me. I am deeply grateful that I have always been able to have such people to surround myself with.
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